


This Is A Cat, Citizen

by Chaos_Kultist (PrimarchOmegon)



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: I Don't Even Know, My pinnacle of writing has been achieved, Sorry Not Sorry, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimarchOmegon/pseuds/Chaos_Kultist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is literally a short story about an imperial citizen accusing a cat of being a vile xenos, inspired by a guy that wrote a facebook comment.<br/>Have fun processing this, while I think of a next chapter or something, maybe bring Cat-O-Sicarius in this to purge his traitor kin in a dramatic turn of events.<br/>I have no idea. English is not my native language.<br/>I am also Alpharius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is A Cat, Citizen

_The war was over_ , they said.

 _This world would prosper within the arms or the imperium of man_ , they had claimed.

Fools. The war was never over and it never would be, even if they pretended that this world had been secure from the moment it had joined compliance 30 years back...

I had served at the front lines of many wars before and I knew how important it was to not let the enemy breach your defenses, how important it was to always be on alert for possible infiltration. I knew what it took to cover up such acts of espionage, the feeling of having no one to trust, no one on your side, everyone against you and your suspicions and being labled as paranoid. But when you were knee-deep in the blood and guts of your comrades while the enemy was at your door, you didn't have time to give a damn about what others thought of you, you needed to do the right thing. Even if it meant shooting someone in the face that you claimed to know for much longer than your wife and kids at home. That was what it always came down to: Knowing how to do the right thing.

“And what would you like to report, citizen?” I ignored the hollow smile the woman behind the desk gave me and shifted around on my chair a little. It was time to do the right thing, yet I knew what would follow if I went on with this and I couldn't help but feeling anxious. I would be forced to search for a new home, I would need to buy a much more secure house and new furniture, since everything would be burned to the ground afterwards. Including my wife and children whom had already succumbed to the dreadful influence that had settled down in what we once called our home. But I was willing to make that sacrifice! It was merely a token compared to what everyone would have to suffer through if this continued any longer and it was better to just put his family down quickly and merciful.

“I found signs of an upcoming xenos infestation, Ma'am.” Her hollow smile didn't vanish while she idly scribbled things down on a paper without even looking. This was the fifth bureau he tried after everyone had been too blind and ignorant to listen to him and his claims.

“What was your registration code again, citizen?”

“Number 8396, Ma'am, but I don't see how this is relevant to-”

“It is relevant in your case. Because we were getting a lot of notifications from other departments to not let our time be wasted by a certain citizen and his false accusations. And as far as I see here, Mr. Alexander VanDoir, age 35, current status: functioning imperial citizen, you are the one we've been told about. Leaving this building without being accompanied by our security enforcement will be appreciated and noted as good behavior in your file.”

“No, please listen to me! I managed to catch one, I brought it with me, open the cage if you don't believe me!” I could tell she didn't believe me, it was all too obvious, but I was rather proud of achieving this victory against an enemy that had remained unknown, yet in plain view of mankind for this long. Just for dramatic purposes, I gave the box at my feet a little kick and got rewarded with a startled and angry hiss, just like I wanted.

“Hand me the box, citizen number 8396, we shall look at your foul xenos and then determine what to do with it.”

“Be careful, Ma'am, I risked my life putting it in that thing! Luckily it was a young one!” These horrid things had sharp claws and even the tiniest of them had managed to cut me up for good. My arms would never look the same, but I'd wear these battle scars with pride, knowing that I did the right thing. Still, I felt uneasy handing over the box to the woman behind the desk, after all, she hadn't had the experience with such a threat, she looked fairly young and didn't have the information I had acquired over the years.

Which was also why I couldn't help but inhale when she opened the box and reached inside. With her bare hands!

“Ma'am, don't touch it with-” But it had already been too late anyway. I only felt deep respect for that woman when she pulled out that horrid xenos creature with one hand and looked at it without even batting an eye. Her self control was so overwhelming, I felt inspired just looking at her.

“This is a cat, citizen. You brought a kitten into my office.”

“I-it's not what it looks like! It just wants to act all cute and cuddly, but it's the most vile thing I've ever encountered! I've been studying them for years now and I am most certain that their numbers are large enough to infest this whole planet by now!”

“Since you have no reason to be here at all, I advice you to leave this building now, citizen. Refusing will be rewarded with a night in the lower prison cells.” In a moment of unspeakable horror, she reached out and started to pet the vile creature that had now sat down at her desk. No...

No, that wasn't possible, had they already come this far?! First my family and now this, they should've listened to me from the beginning! What would these horrid monsters take next in their unending hunger for power, now that this planet was a mere slave colony and breeding ground to them?

I got up from my chair and slowly made my way to the door, far away from admitting defeat. This planet was lost, it would be best to get away as soon as possible, but I would never give up fighting! As an act of sudden heroism, I turned around to say something when I noticed the woman behind the desk had left the room for some reason, leaving only the kitten behind. What a creepy little thing, it sent chills down my spine already looking at those big, blue eyes...

“I will win this war, mark my words you little creature..!” I mumbled, but eventually broke eye contact with the thing, not wanting to hear the falsely cute noise that would come out of its kitten mouth as soon as I saw it open.

“No, I think not. Because I am just a cat, citizen.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give some credit to Mr. Jed Terriss Ernst Rhodes for giving me the idea to write this truly epic adventure!  
> May you always be remembered as the guy that inspired such a fine piece of work! Forever.
> 
> Suggestions, praise and comments are very welcome to this individual right here and it hereby expresses its desire for your opinion, most delicious reader!


End file.
